Cultural practices I learned in my past life while I was growing up in my place of birth. Updated September 06 of 2025 in Ottawa Ontario Canada K1G3P2
Some times it was practiced to take away someone's shoes but not to put any one in trouble. Just as a fun n game and to show the care and love for the person, soon they forget about it and situation gets back to normal. This does not create an opportunity for lawenforcement forces in that culture and social setup, which may be interpreted differently in other cultures and social setups and in other countries.
Urdu words "مارا مارنا مارو " has multiple meanings in every day life, it means slap on the wrist, slap on the face, pat on the back. In a different context this same words may be considered as to kill or to hit. If the translators do not know the depth of the language and the context, translators may come up with wrong interpretations of the words, spcially when a child says these words to elders of a different language.
Urdu words " سدھارنا ٹھیک کرنا" has many different translations depending on the context and person being referred to, for children (as in age group of children) these words would mean discipling and refining but NOT at the microscopic level just at the obvious level. Whereas when these words were applied to a grownup would mean different. When my mother was unhappy for something with me (when I was in adult age group) and she could not tell me about it she used to say that in family parties when other relatives were present that " اس کی بیوی ٹھیک کرے گی یا اسکی بیوی سدھارے گی" she meant that his wife will improve/refine on upbringing deficiencies rough or what mother was not able to develop such as social skills etc, his wife will make him better. She did not refer to discipling role (wives do not discipline husbands, they discipline offsprings) of a jailor wife for not completing education or other deficiencies or other ethical problems such as drugs or gambling or lack of maturity or lazyness etc. When children complete education to the satisfaction level of parents, parents do not discipline them because going through the education process used to be tough enough especially in govt. (Boys only) School education, and no spare time, opportunities of entertainment or relaxation were available. Private schools used to be different and full of fun but NOT full of education, it was a fashion and status symbol to boast about private schooling, private schooling was different than the tutoring or home schooling. My younger siblings were fortunate to go through private schooling but they were not able to excell academically and did not become any professional, did not become Engineer, all the resources were available to them through me and parents (my books, my experience etc). When I went through my education I was the first one in family without any one above me and I did everything myself. Those who achieve their educational goals do not require "الٹا سیدھا کرنے کی سزا کی ضرورت نہیں"
Urdu translation of the English phrase "to teach some one a lesson" would be "کسی کو سبق پڑھانا" which implies to educate (in a positive sense) some one, but the English phrase implies to punish some one which is undesirable depending on the situation.
ھوا کھانا is a another phrase commonly used in Urdu conversation among angry women. It implies to use fresh air or in hot weather take fresh breeze of air in open air, like go out for some fresh air.
People enjoy summer and mild weather by sitting in Patio or Garden, some people build/install deck to extend home space and use it for sitting, Urdu translation will be "باہر بیٹھتے ہیں" , lot of People live out side Canada in other countries, Urdu translation will be "باھر رھتے ھیں" does not mean live outdoors as street dwellers or home less.
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(Purpose of the following is not to criticize, rather it is just to draw a comparison and contrast the two social/cultural systems, people might differ on this sensitive issue.)
In my opinion which is based on my life experiences, Divorce and separation have different interprtations in different cultures besides the legal matters of it.
In Western cultures when a woman divorces a husband (with or without an agreement to divorce), cultures may punish and investigate husband for ever as a "bad" after divorce to find what was wrong in husband's behaviour and evict husband from home to make husband socially unacceptable and strengthen the reasons for divorce. A divorced husband is considered a rejected man " بںے کار انسان " , like ugly duckling (as I heard in women's whispers and cross talk around me in US and Canada). In my opinion wives should not/not supposed to reject a man, because before marriage spouses are evaluated for suitability/compatibility. Perhaps it might be in some cultures that parent's choose to reject offsprings as was read by me in ugly duckling story, otherwise not.
Another commonly used phrase in Urdu in informal conversation is " گھر سے نکلنا" with several variations is used to describe stepping out, not to describe eviction or evacuation neither to permanently move out (used for exit as well). In Pakistan men are considered bread earner (i.e. most commonly, it was rare that women would seek employmemt or business) meaning they go out for employment etc which is also described by the similar words ( مردوں کو گھر سے نکلنا پڑتا ھے کام کاج کے لںے ) with some variations of it but that does not imply that men live outdoors and women indoors. Would wrong concept and wrong traslation. Sometimes people mostly women utter the word when they were angry "مرنے دو سڑنے دو" to ignore or disregard some one, does not mean to kill some one or to let some one rot. AI translators and children will not understand this kind of language, only mother language speakers will understand this kind of langue.
Where as in Eastern culture women do not divorce husband. A woman who divorces a husband (without a agreement) is considered the worst possible woman. In Eastern culture a man is not investigated or punished after divorce for the rest of the life till the end, rather woman is investigated that why husband did not accept the woman. Usually man divorce a woman to return the woman back to her parents indicating that (i.e. if divirce happened in early years of the marriage otherwise they wait for offsprings to become able to support woman), which the woman was NOT acceptable. In some Eastern cultures men have the option to marry again. In some cultures when woman wants to divorce a husband for better future husbands than she is required to buy a divorce from the husband by offering a deal to end the marriage. Only known situation when a woman is allowed to file for divorce is when the husband was missing for a long period of time, like missing in action for a very long time and was not found despite exhausting all legal means i.e. absolutely no contact.
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When a responsible adult in a position of authority or in a position of public service says they were allowed to lie or to run a fraud, or to committ a crime, means either there was a legislation to support that or they asked for such a permission explicitly or implicitly from higher ups. If they asked for such a permission for wrong doings or crimes, question should be asked "why were they allowed, and by who", "why would they ask for such a permission", why can't they operate and/or live their lives honestly without pretending to be someone else. Why would any one seek such permission. A point to ponder.
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When I was growing up in Karachi, medications, cough syrups and other tonics I used consisted of some percentage of alcohol. Also it was heard that adults used Brandi when they catch cold and in winter to keep themselves warm, Because of it's medicinal and curing properties. In Canada I don't used couph syrups or other medications, rather I use gin tonic because of some benefits and it's medicinal properties. Also use of alcol is part of culture in western countries, so I try my best to live like westerners in western countries, and like Easterners in Eastern countries. So drinking anything is allowed everywhere on this planet earth, it is just in people's minds and vested interest and lobbyists minds, who come up with objections. Like "socially bad" and "legally bad". In some some cultures/countries/families mostly woman consider that casino goers, night clubing, drinkers, gamblers, womanizers are "socially bad" and unacceptable behaviour, and some men consider women acting like men, mixing up with other men unaccompanied without their family etc as "socially bad" and unacceptable women. Same behaviours in other cultures/countries/families is perfectly acceptable. So, what is socially bad is not a critical thing but "legally bad" is a major issue reflects on the respect for the law of the land (for immigrants it starts from the time they enter a country legally or illegally or by deception and lies, under false pretenses).
When some one says that women are allowed or supposed to or should do such n such things to men, applies only to men in their life at home or work associates, school, college etc. This does not apply to customers, or unknown men or strangers to practice their womenly or motherly authority for psychological study purpose or emotional response study purpose, absolutely NOT, there has to be a reason to do something to some one. It was bound to become a legal issue, if certain rules of the society were not followed in such practices.
In my place of birth community was defined by the people who knew parents of the children of a home in a street or neoghbourhood, that included neighbours, relatives, people involved in the family business. Bus drivers and passengers were not community, service providers such as restaurants or retail stores, grocery stores were not community on personal matters. Entire population of the city was not community because large cities have large population and involving other entities and authorities in spying or other services providers was impossible, impractical, unfeasible and undesirable, people over there had their own problems which kept them busy. So the techniques and methods learned by me from those years of the past, and communities who knew me very well since childhood, on how to handle community issues and problems without involving any law enforcement, were left behind, community policing did not exist over there, psuedo community policing was limited to family members and people who knew parents as authority on younger generation/children but only in those environments. In Canada those methods have becone unusable. I may be wrong but these were my personal observations and feelings and experiences. People used to talk to parents about any concerns or complain instead of courts or law enforcement or other unnecessary methods of harassment to discipline, neighbours and other people of community did not discipline directly, issues were handled at home through parents and other elders. In my mind community starts at home from the moment a baby is conceived even before birth and expands as the baby grows up and further integrates with the life outside the four walls of home. In Canada that does not apply for immigrant Citizen Canadians, because the birth community is in country of birth, parent's role can not be replaced by bullies and position of power to enforce their operational wishes/requirements on people not part of their operation, i.e. walk this way and talk this way, think this way, eat this way, drink way, etc. etc. (committing sugar coated crimes disguised with fancy words).
In Karachi I heard my mother talk about finding a suitable match for their off springs at early age, translated in essence as finding a wife (we were three male siblings at home). Theoretically any female can be a wife to a male, but they consider many qualifying criteria before determining a suitable life partner. Once they zero in on who can be a wife to a male at home than the theory that any female can be a wife to a male stops, until that spot becomes vacant again. But both partners know this in advance about it, not considered a secret, can not be a secret.
In 60s and 70s when I was growing up in Karachi, a segment of the population used to clean streets and mop houses for a living. Since there were no mechanized sweeping machines they used hand held equipment/tools تنکوں والی جھاڑو (brooms) for sweeping streets outdoors (not indoors), they were called sweepers and "maasi". پوچا لگانے والی ماسی
Such work was specifically for that segment of population, and others did not dare to pickup on such work which was reserved for them only, like unionized work, it was their speciality. If such men and women get involved with govt. agencies as workers and other public work, in official capacity or advisors, will be a disaster for that country.
Something to think about.
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